


Bloody Hell After

by Darkspirit



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Feels, Apocalypse, Arguing, F/M, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Idealism, Loss of Control, Minor Character Death, Nightmares, Past Character Death, Post-Episode: s06e19 I Am My Monster, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pragmatic Idealism, Sad Ending, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:28:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24392791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkspirit/pseuds/Darkspirit
Summary: This was supposed to be their time, their Era. Era 3 in which both of them and everyone they knew and loved could live happily without having to fight or worry about anything anymore.But as thunderous roars plagued the sky, earthquakes destroyed the cities and the seas were overflowed with venom and acid, she wondered when they had crossed the line to stop being worthy of a bright future.AU from 'I AM My Monster', in which Steven couldn't be calmed down.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran & Greg Universe, Connie Maheswaran & Peridot, Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Greg Universe & Steven Universe
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37





	Bloody Hell After

"Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" she screamed again, sweat and tears mixed and running through her cheeks profusely.

This was the 7th time she had a nightmare, the same one to top it all. Despite being too many times, it never stopped to let her with her heart beating ferociously because of the fear, the hair of her neck feeling electrified by dread and the trembling like jelly for almost an hour.

But how could it not? If it had been just a 3 months, 3 MONTHS since her life and the others' fell into a voracious hell.

It was so surreal and so unforgivable. Fate, universe -she's starting to hate that word- or any kind of mighty deity up there wasn't really in the mood to give them a break. No, that was an understatement, it was more that nothing in the world wanted them to be happy.

Wanted Steven to be happy.

Connie swallowed the lumps in her throat that threatened to overwhelm her with another burst of tears as if the one she had because of the nightmare wasn't enough.

Every time she blinked, every time she closed her eyes, Connie could see him. Steven, her best friend, her Universe, falling into despair and brutal self-loathing when she, Greg, and the Gems confronted him. She could still listen to his venomous words against himself, saying he was a fraud, a monster and then a hideous tower of spikes tore his t-shirt apart, coming from his back.

The sweet and kind boy who befriended her transforming into a ferocious and pink version of Godzilla.

But that wasn’t the worst part, oh no, the worst came when all of them - her, the Gems, Bismuth, Lapis, Peridot, Greg, even the Cluster, the Diamonds and Spinel- tried to calm him down and show him that he was loved no matter what.

Connie thought that would be it. That would be the answer to get through him.

How wrong she was. 

Their love didn't calm him down, it just triggered him off. Their words of encouragement didn't help him but got him mad. Their kind touches weren't a relief but something disgusting and sickening for Steven or whatever display of hatred, anger, and fear that had possessed him.

Just like that another war started, one against the same person who saved them all.

Her ears wanted to bleed so much of the horrific chaos that came after that; however, her own will pushed those memories down for they weren't more than distractions in the still unsolvable mission she had that was turning into an unwinnable war. 

Some steps then were heard, approaching her room in the bunker. The door was opened just a bit. 

"Connie, is something wrong?" Greg looked at her with fatherly concern. Just looking at his eyes made her own watered instantly, but they shouldn't, they shouldn't, but--

_Her dad was driving, Steven's gigantic tail swung at the vehicle, it threw it away with Dough still inside and there was an explosion, and burnt pieces of flesh and bone, and blood, too much blood..._

"Connie! Hey, are you listening?!" Greg's hands were on her shoulders now, his voice panicky, the girl shook her head after being brought back from her trance, and she tried to smile to not concern him more. 

"I-I'm fine, Mr. Universe. Don't worry" She mentally cursed herself for getting too emotional in such a time and looked away to not see the man's eyes. Connie knew very well that he didn't believe her, but at least Greg didn't say anything. 

Immediately, she got up from the bed and went to the central room where they had the meetings, a part of her mind very aware of the concerning gaze behind her. 

\--------------------

If there was something Connie was starting to hate more than ever, even much more than apathy, was the routine. 

The one that she and the gems and human survivors had was anything but successful. It was putting ideas into motion to get Steven back from his uncontrollable anger and murderous rampage; however, that was easier said than done. Everyone, well almost everyone, agreed with her just to get over with the meeting instead of collaborating, and it became so infuriating and outrageous sometimes that Connie had to give them a piece of her mind so they didn't give up. 

Just looking at the few people Steven had helped in the past, all exhausted and pessimistic brought a bitter taste to her tongue: Kiki, of all the Pizza family, was the only one here. Both her father and her grandmother were crushed mercilessly along with the restaurant, just one of the Rubies who worked as a bodyguard for Nanefua had survived, if barely, but the gem was too cracked and the only way to prevent her from shattering was bubbling her. From Jenny no one knew anything, the communications were destroyed by a single roar of Steven. 

Vidalia's family was totally divided, both Sour Cream and Yellowtail had almost died when a huge wave created by Steven's powers swept them alongside the fishing boat. They were in a coma in one of the rooms of the bunker with Onion always watching them, distraught and afraid. 

Mayor Dewey had lost an arm after some cars were thrown at the Big Donut causing an explosion. He had been trying to contact his son too many times to count but nothing and the bits and pieces of news that came to the group didn't help with his raising anxiety. 

About the gems... 

It was even worse. 

_'Show them your strength, Steven! Destroy this sorry excuse of a planet! Show everyone what you're capable of! This is what power should do!'_

Jasper's destructive encouragement felt like sharp claws tearing her soul apart. When she and the others saw her cheering at the violent chaos, it took some minutes for Alexandrite to send the gem flying with a single kick. Whether she is ok, poofed, or cracked, Connie couldn't care less to be honest. 

The rest was more nightmarish. Just in one day, all the work of two years put to make Little Homeworld a reality was turned into ashes. Many gems Steven helped and befriended had been cracked or worse, the warming gem city becoming ruins, engulfed by fire. 

The only ones who weren't bubbled were Little Larimar whose gem had a very small crack and a Green Pearl. 

Connie's eyes watered again, she cursed herself due to her weakness, but just remembering about Pearl was too much. 

She could still see in her mind two bubbles, one with Pearl's deeply cracked gemstone and the other with Sapphire's on the edge of shattering. 

_'If we had a bit of Rose's fountain water, things would be easier'_ she thought, and then a hand touched her shoulder and made her jump in a bit of a scare. "W-What?!" 

"Sorry, Connie" It was Kiki, she looked a bit nervous for some reason "Look, I know it's time for a meeting and the others and I have some ideas but there is something you need to know" 

"What? Is something wrong? Aren't the supplies enough for everyone?" 

"It's about Peridot. She asked me to tell you that she wanted to talk with you privately, well, not so much. You and Mr. Universe need to be in her room" 

"Did she invent something that might help is with my son?" Greg asked, even after all the carnage and tragedy, the man didn't have it within himself to hate or fear his own son. Some of the survivors had called him delusional, pitying him behind his back, but he still had faith to save Steven from his own powers. 

He was someone Connie could trust in her darkest times. 

"She just came to my room and asked me quickly to inform you about this. Also, it is urgent" 

Both Connie and Greg looked at each other, worried. A very bad feeling looming over them. 

\-----------------------------

"YOU WHAT?!!!!" Sometimes, Connie wished to be oblivious enough to not notice when something was wrong. Unfortunately, fate isn't someone who gave you what you wanted, like right now.

"What the fuck do you mean that you're leaving, Peridot?!"

"It's very simple, Connie, and you and Greg are seeing it, I'm leaving. Don't try to stop me"

Peridot grabbed her belongings, which weren't so many by the way, and went to the principal door of the bunker. Connie immediately put herself between both of them.

"Peridot, you can't do this!"

"I can. I can and I have the right to, now move!"

Greg also put himself between the gem and the door.

"Peridot, it's dangerous out there. Something bad might happen to you--"

"Already have" Peridot interrupted him spitefully.

"If that's what you say then why?"

"Why? WHY?! FOR REAL?!" Peridot glared at them and despite not being a threat due to her size, both Connie and Greg flinched "Should I remind you of all the things and people I've lost because of that beast?!"

"Hey, don't talk that way about my son!" Greg reprimanded her but Peridot didn't care.

"Come on, Greg, be realistic. There is no Steven to save! He's gone! The only thing we have left is this planet and that monster is destroying it!"

Connie couldn't believe what she was hearing. Since when one of her friends, Steven's friends, has given up?

"Peridot, you can't be serious! I mean, have you forgotten what you told Steven? If I remember well, you told him that you wouldn’t give up on him the same way he didn't give up on you, and now you're leaving! What kind of friend does that?!"

"That was before we knew that we would make this worse. We tried to bring him back, Connie, but it just backfired horribly. And I... I can't keep lying to myself that one day this nightmare will end and Steven will be back"

"Peridot, we can still try. We have help and a lot of ideas that--"

"WE HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING, CONNIE!!!" Peridot's scream broke the barrier that had held back her tears "We have tried everything to remind Steven of who he was, of the good memories we had with him, and guess what? It didn't work! The only thing we have accomplished is making him angrier and more dangerous than before he went for a killing rampage! If we keep with this useless plan of yours, we'll get ourselves killed and the Earth will be doomed, but it seems that you care more about a stupid happy ending that will never come!"

"At least I'm trying! Not like you who decided that Steven is too far gone and--"

"THAT THING IS NOT STEVEN!!" Connie and Greg froze at her scream, surprise, and horror mixed in their heads "That hideous monster is not him, not even my friend! It never was! And I won't stay here for longer wasting my time in delusions like you two like to do! Screw that mission of yours, I have a new one that is more realistic than all the rambling of saving Steven you always have"

"Pe-Peridot... What mission are you talking about?" Greg had a very good idea of Peridot's plans but he begged Heaven that it wasn't what he feared.

"I'm going to find a way to destroy that beast"

"WHAT?!" Connie and Greg yelled at the same time. Yep, he was right.

"Don't act as if this wasn't coming. That monstrosity has caused too much damage, it must be stopped"

"I won't let you put a single hand on my son!"

"Me neither!" Connie unsheathed her sword, ready to fight "How can you be that cold to turn your back on your own friend?! After all Steven has done for you!"

"And that's why you two have lost your sanity, Connie. Both are so wrapped up in an illusion that you don't see what reality needs you to do. But **I** do. At first, I wanted to save Steven, but we have lost too many friends... I have lost too many..." Peridot rubbed her eyes furiously in an attempt to stop herself from crying "And we can't contact Homeworld for help. The warpads are destroyed. All of them... Guys, I love Steven like all of you, but the Earth and our lives are the only things we have left. This planet is the only thing I can cling to that is real, because as far as I'm concerned you two will keep trying even if that mission is suicidal. And I'm too tired for that. I can't stand lying to myself for a miracle to happen. There is nowhere else to go either if the Earth is destroyed and I can't go back to Homeworld because it doesn't feel like home anymore. I can't lose it, I just can't or else I won't have anything left, and I need something to hold on or I will go crazy" The green gem sighed shakily and after a few seconds her eyes hardened "I'm sorry that this isn't what you wanted to hear, but I made my choice as you have made yours. And even if it's crazier than your plan, at least it will save our home, and no, you. Won’t. Stop me"

A heavy silence was followed after her words. For Connie, to have to deal now with the fact that someone of the group has given up on Steven and planned to kill him was too much, but it wasn't that she couldn't understand Peridot. The girl had lost many loved ones too, but still, losing Steven among them was the last thing she wanted, even if some people disagree with her.

Greg, on the other hand, was trying to find the right words to get through Peridot but the gem hard gaze and posture told him that no matter what, she wouldn't be convinced. Just the idea of watching a friend of his son becoming the enemy and wanting to kill his boy was too nauseating to bear. 

"Peridot... Are you sure? This is what you really want?"

"This is the only way to survive"

Connie and Greg again looked at each other and steeled their gazes.

"Then we won't let you" Greg sentenced.

"And you have to go through us to get out of here" Connie pointed her sword to her friend, her posture ready for a fight.

Peridot just sighed and left her bag on the ground then she sat on it, resigned.

Connie didn't let her guard down but a part of her mind relaxed, knowing that Peridot was aware that she couldn't defeat the girl who was better at fighting than her. Suddenly, the sword started moving on its own, Connie held the handle with all her might and then both she and the sword collided with Greg and the two were swept to a side by an invisible force.

Before the girl could do anything, the table of the meeting room flew away towards them, the four 'paws' of the piece of furniture nailed to the wall, hard enough to trap Greg and Connie.

"Peridot, what the hell?! What is this?!" Greg tried to move the table with his feet and arms but neither of them was strong enough against the pressure that had immobilized him.

"I knew very well that neither of you would let me go, so, some days ago, I started training my ferrokinesis in secret so I could move metals with my mind only and stop using my hands. The extra hours awake paid off" Peridot smirked bitterly and walked to the door, bag in her hands.

"Peridot! Don't you fucking dare! You're a Crystal Gem, for shit's sake! Crystal Gems never give up!"

The little gem stopped and for a second Connie had the hope that she would come to her sense; however, a harsh glare from Peridot proved her wrong. 

"Accept reality or perish in your delusions, Connie. That's up to you, though you have decided already. Farewell" And just like that another friend had gone. 

\--------------------

It took days for things to go back to normal after Peridot defected - if normalcy meant living in a bunker while the world burnt because of your turned-into-a-monster best friend-, but besides the routine and the very low morale in the group, something else made its presence to Connie, numbness. 

Nothing felt real to her anymore, and sometimes she wondered if she was in a strange coma where she lived her worst fears and nightmares. Other times, a part of her mind asked her if she was doing the right thing if keep pushing the survivors with more motivational speeches that felt like ashes in the mouth and more encouragement that was colder than ice just to save one person was a good idea.

Her answer was always the same: Steven was absolutely worth it. He was worth the sacrifices, the hard work, the all-nighters, the tears...

The people who lost family and friends...

The ones who lost hope...

The lives who were killed...

The homes that were destroyed...

_'Is he truly worth it though?'_ that voice asked again and she tried to squash it to not doubt for a second of her resolution.

_'Is Steven worth that your dad is gone, that many of your friends are gone, that your future is in shambles?'_

_'He wouldn't have given up on me!'_ Connie responded.

_'He wouldn't have wanted you to sacrifice so much and suffer because of him. He loved you, if he were here he would tell you to give up'_

_'I can't give up yet! I know there is a way to bring him back!'_

_'Bring him back would be as worse as letting him destroy the world. In fact, it's the worst idea you might have!'_

_'What are you talking about?'_

_'Don't play dumb with yourself, Connie. Just think about it, what do you think Steven would think of himself if you and Greg manage to bring him back? He has killed too many people, even the ones he cared about, the cities beyond Beach City are in flames! If Steven is 'saved' and finds out about this, he would turn into that monster again. Maybe forever. And it only took a confrontation about his unstable behavior for him to become that thing. Just accept it, Peridot is right, the only way to survive is by killing him!'_

_'Peridot betrayed him!'_

_'She was being realistic! How many corpses do you have to see or how many people grieving do you have to face to understand?!'_

_'Crystal Gems do NOT give up!'_

Connie was expecting another comeback, another argument against her plans but the only thing that met her was silence. She smiled a bit, thinking that she had won the debate, but something within her told her that her inner voice had labeled her as hopeless by not responding.

\---------------------

The next meeting became nothing but a blur. As much as she was relieved that the tiny voice has stopped pestering her, every time she saw Greg's face, greeted the survivors, or even went to the room where Pearl and Sapphire were bubbled to check on them, the same doubts came to yell at her. 

But what else could be worthy if the world out there was still being crushed endlessly? When Connie felt how much her group was accepting their somber fate and didn't know how to tell her? When she even feared to get out of the bunker to get food because of the painful memories that took place there? 

Still, Connie kept pushing harder and harder, clinging desperately to the remnants of faith while the numbness kept growing. 

The haunting question deeply ingrained in her mind, following her everywhere. 

Is he truly worth it? 


End file.
